I freed whom?!!?

I'm just kidding, of course. I can think of no greater legacy to leave behind than the abolishment of such a cruel and primitive practice. That is a wonderful joke, though. And I do love a joke. Just ask Mary.

There are few things I cipher about the current state of the nation. The difference between all-wheel drive and four-wheel drive for instance. (Are these not the same thing or has a wheel escaped my attention?) Foremost, though, is the persistence of religious conviction existing alongside the persistence of racial, sexual, and class hostility. These appear, to me, contradictory forces at work. For the record, though I mentioned my love for the joke, it was not in jest that I included that "this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom" passage in my address at Gettysburg; that was not flip. In transcribing that passage for me, Kennedy, my faithful secretary, did not follow it with a small parenthetical reminder to "pause for smattering of laughter." Get it together, please. I was shot in the head.

     -Todd Levin - Writer - New York City