Saving AndyFrom Himself

The next time I ask Andy why he hasn't gone down on me for two months--

The next time Andy says, Oh, I was just thinking about that but--

The next time Andy says, The last time I did, it tasted like stale urine--

I won't wipe after I pee, for two weeks. And I won't take any showers. I'll rub my shit into my pubic hair and let it get dry and crusty so the flakes jump around in my underwear and eventually get all over my vagina. And I won't change my underwear, at all, and then I'll get blood from the just-dead squirrels and birds in the middle of the road, and I'll smear it on my underwear until it's saturated, so globs of blood will start sticking to my shit-covered pubic hair, and soon Andy won't be able to distinguish that stale urine smell to complain about it.

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