The SPIN Woman


Andy has brought
the same copy of SPIN magazine on four business trips. When I investigate, I discover a very stained advertisement for Poco Jeans in which a woman is wearing nothing but jeans and earrings. Lots of earrings.

So I get my ears pierced. Seven times. I'd get my nipples pierced, but if there are infections and subsequent amputations, I'd rather lose an ear than a nipple.

The piercings hurt for a second. The piercing woman says they'll hurt more later.

They do. They have a dull, incessant hurt, and an excruciating hurt every time something brushes by them.

Andy takes the magazine to Montreal.

When he gets back, I don't even wait until we're out of the airport. I say, "It's painful to me that you fantasizes about another woman."

"What?" he says.

"I noticed you brought that issue of SPIN with you for the nine hundredth time. Haven't you read all the articles yet?"

He blushes. He says, "Look, we've talked about this before. It's easier for me to masturbate with visual stimulation. I can't help it. That's just how I am. You use books, I use pictures."

"I feel like you're cheating on me. Like you don't need me in Montreal because you have her."

"I would like to have sex with you in Montreal, but you're not there. And this is not a person we're talking about, it's a picture."

"Yeah. That's right. That's why it's objectifying. Because you treat her like me, like a person, but she's not."

"Right. She would never put me on the spot like this in the middle of baggage claim."

I squeeze my ear really hard, until I start to cry. And when I let go I feel like nothing hurts at all.




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