Everyone in my class has seen "Saturday Night Fever" except me. I can't go because its rated R, and neither of my parents wants it used against them in divorce court. I've earned the respect of my classmates by being the first to see "Shampoo," but I realize my parents are fighting over who gets to have me, and that's exciting.

I keep track of how my parents treat me so that I can tell the judge the facts.

My parents are on very good behavior. They buy me "The Boy's and Girl's Book About Divorce".

I decide it's going to be a hard choice between parents, and I think a lot about the possibilities: A heated courtroom battle, where lawyers ask me lots of questions that my parents wish I didn't know the answers to, or I sit in the judge's chambers, and tell him all about my parents, and I start crying, and he holds me in his arms and tells me its okay; he'll make the final decision.

One day, I come home from school, and both parents are in the library--Mom in Dad's lap. I've never seen them sitting like this. It looks stupid. "What are you doing?" I ask. My dad says, this is a special time for them, and I should leave them alone.

The next morning, before school, they tell me they're not getting a divorce. "Why not?" I ask.

"We're going to France instead," Dad says, "All of us. Isn't that exciting?"

"Saturday Night Fever" played on the plane to France, but I couldn't see over the seat in front of me.