MY NEUROSES

by Alfred Vitale
(c) 1995

formaldehyde is my cologne,
i buy it at bloomies
and with every 30 dollar purchase of it
i get a tote bag full o'goodies...
i brush my teeth with charcoal
from meat dripping covered brickettes
so that i can disguise the true taste of a burger
decayed, and sizzling flesh...
each morning i bathe
in the high intensity ultraviolet ocean
that drowns me in cancer
for lunch i don't bother trying
to eat any true foods
i go and slam my face into mcdonalds garbage bags
to get the worst of all the food groups
tasting like polysorbate fruit loops
plasticated, masticated, and puked
collected yellow wax paper vomit
on a sesame seed bun...
my deodorant is simple,
i just coat my hairs with
rubber cement...
it stops odor, it stops sweat...
it goes on sticky
and stays there...
strong enough for a man
and probably made by one, too...
to wash my hair i simply dunk
my head in a janitor's pail...
to clean my ears i stand on a subway platform
and wait for trains to pass
and watch the wax pop out...
to wipe my ass i use
the same hand that i shake with
so everyone who says i'm full of shit,
can tell what kind of shit i'm full of...
my literature is hemorhoid ads
and planned parenthood monologues...
or AIDS, in spanish, SIDA....
and the saga of julio y marisol...
my money is always crumpled
even my coins...
i stopped wearing underwear
to effectively scratch my loins...
i don't use a telephone
'cause i wind up talking to machines...
i get all my information
from shiny magazines...
i don't watch sports
'cause it brings out my latent
homophobia...
i don't go to church,
'cause unlike god i sleep on sundays...
i have a thousand tattoos...
only...they're flesh colored so you can't see them...
my forehead has expanded in the last few years,
and my gums have gotten bigger...
i used to dine on aspirin...
and wash them down with nyquil...
now it doesn't matter,
'cause my numb head never lets me sleep...
i used to drink tons of coffee...and piss in my sink...
and throw bottles out my window...and simmer in my stink...
and never touch a razor...except against my wrist....
and never touch a toothbrush, except to clean my ass...
i used to masturbate once in a while...
until i lost my virginity...
then i masturbated all the time...
in fact my hand is this man's best friend...
i feed my neuroses now
with lots and lots of fuel
to keep me moving in streets of anxiety
swiftly with constant speeding tickets...
i feed my neuroses now
by making believe i belong
in a poetry world...
i feed my neuroses now
because real food makes me sick...

i fed my neuroses so much
that i forget what it's like
to live without 'em.



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