from HOW TO MUTATE AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD

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Date:  7/1/97
From:  enote.sally@sirius.hassani.org
To:  stjude@tiddly.wink.org
Subject:  dirty little secrets

In the six months that our cadre have been spewing cleartext onto the
NiceNet, we've put out some stuff that's much nastier than this, frequently
right into the middle of a lalala nicelady conversation in the Caring League
or some similar place.  But nothing, NOTHING has ever created the kind of
hysteria that this caused when we posted it about a month ago in the middle
of a conversation in Tipper Gore's private topic on the New Civility BBS.
Word has it that 10% of the secret service is now dedicated full time to
finding the perp...
Advice For Paedophiles
by Aw Shucks
Jimmyz

Here are some tips I've put together, for seducing women at that *oh!* so tender age. Follow them, and like me, you will soon have a host of fawning, eager girls to choose from, to do with as you please, in whatever combination you choose...

Insouciance!
Your age difference is your key; flaunt it. Don't attempt to learn about the singers in New Kids, or the new fashion craze. Look down at it; look down at them. Young girls travel in simpering, giggling groups, for protection. Eye them with a cold glance, and soon their pretty asses will be lined in a row, at your beck. And call. They will come.

Exotique!
Ah, they're hormones have possessed them fully; they are peering up their pinks cunts, borrowing their mother's hand mirrors, hours at a time. They build hand-made vibrators from old electric tooth brushes. Good fellow, they are ready for you. For all manners, style, extremes of eroticism. They will hold back nothing. If they dare, sneer, show withering contempt; they will be ready for buggery, or an elaborate menage, or acts of sapphism with friends for your observance. Prepare a menu; do not skimp, do not flinch.

Forbearance!
A slight proviso. At this age, with their sexual capacity so fresh, they will be, perhaps a touch indelicate. They are new to the concept of feminine hygiene. You will find oftimes, their loins to reek, their cunts to be petri dishes of unknown humors. This is so new to them! You must be patient. The rewards are great.

That's it... Did it just wreck your life?


Date:  July 2, 1997
From:  stjude@tiddly.wink.org
To:  enote.sally@siriushassani
Subject:

egad.  thanks for the pedo spoof.  (i guess it's a spoof.... maybe not)
knowing you posted it on the emilies, it warms the potholes of my heart.

actually, you know, i recently remembered falling in love with a beautiful
eight yr old boy when i was just post-pube-- age twelve.  i was a precocious
pedophile!

Hey, I just dug this out... you ever see this? 

From: Nesta Stubbs 
Subject: WARNING! WARNING! (fwd)
To: Judith The Saint 

I like Alan, he is cool, he wrote this for the mailing lists you see in teh
header.  I think you will like him too, all is good, God is with us, and we
are safe.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: WARNING! WARNING!

PLEASE NOTE PLEASE NOTE:
TO EVERYONE!!!!

CHILD PORN PERVERTS SEARCH THE NET FOR YOUR KIDS!

Lurid sex-starved children advocate free sex with ancient men! Her teats
hung down until the lap of little boys was filled with them. His hair-less
body reached through the screen accosting the previously-perfect twins.
Friends, crime on the Internet knows no bounds! Their thin waists were
grasped by the terminal itself hurtling color pictures of wide-open holes.
Wee-wee on your mommy and daddy. I will come and kill your entire family,
Mr. President, and their families too! This is an ascii bomb, burning your
hard-drive: Beware! PCP fumes will kill within five seconds. 
If we are not allowed to keep our guns, we will march on EVERY CAPITAL
BUILDING IN THIS UNITED STATES. SHOOT TO KILL!!!!!
Come here, honey, and siton my life.

The formula for crack involves a free radical easily reproduced
from common baking-soda. Your girlfriend has a small twat, I should know. I
will shoot every goddamn Russian who comes within ten miles of Peoria.
Perverts Cruise the Internet Taking your Children from You. Friends, you
must HURT THEM where it counts, in their pocketbooks and between their eyes!
Here is a list of private phone-numbers of invalids. You have $14321.24 in
your bank account and your husband is with one Susanne Francis.
Congratulations:
I have just destroyed your operating system! Do not reboot or this machine with never work again! Cock piss shit fuck I bet you can't stop me! Come suck my dick! If you so much as write me again I will shoot you through the window you know which one I mean looking out over the schoolyard. MY IDEA FOR PERFECT WORLD SALVATION IN WHICH I WILL TELL YOU ALL THE ANSWERS THROUGH MY RESEARCH WHICH I HAVE CARRIED ON FOR ONE DECADE. I want to hold you, honey, go to your telephone, go to your telephone now. That's right. Now when it rings, when it rings, pick it up! You don't know me but I know you! Now look behind you, out the window, the car parked down the street. Wouldn't you like a picture like this? Isn't this a silly picture? Wouldn't you like me to take one? If you can't get the fucking manual, you don't belong here! Fuck you asshole! Clara, I just fucked your husband in the ass. I got your whole family, asshole! It's people like me who have to protect people like you! I didn't think they allowed Jews here. Is it true what they say. Pull your pants down and pull your little thing out, now isn't that better? Aren't there any pictures of kids with kids here?

THE NET IS A PLAYGROUND FOR ALL YOUR DESIRES. I READ IT IN THE PAPERS, SAW IT ON THE TELEVISION! FRIENDS, THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY IS REAL AND IT BRINGS CRIMINALS AND PERVERTS TO YOUR VERY DOOR, INTO YOUR HOUSE, INTO YOUR BED! FRIENDS, THE WIRES DRIP WITH PERVERSION AND EVIL! THE WIRES FUCK YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR WIVES AND HUSBANDS! HIDEOUS MONSTERS REACH OUT THROUGH YOUR TERMINAL SCREEN AND GRAB YOUR COCK! HIDEOUS FORCES EMPTY YOUR BANK ACCOUNT! DON'T TURN AROUND! THEY ARE WATCHING YOU! GET OFF WHILE THERE IS TIME! GET OFF WHILE THERE IS STILL TIME!

"A Friend"


Date:  2 July, 1997
From: rusirius
To:  stjude
Subject:  talkin' bout the CryptoNet

Connie and I have decided to say yes to a request from the New York Times
for an interview about the new computer underground.  In exchange, Connie
got them to promise to put it on the front page of the Sunday paper.  This,
it seems to me, is of great consequence.  We'll be walking a fine line
between militant support and denial of responsibility.  Any suggestions are
appreciated.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
PPPPPP

Sunday New York Times July 4, 1997 pg. 1
(lower right corner of N. Y. Times)

SIRIUS SUPPORTS "TECHNO-GUERILLAS"

R. U. Sirius made it clear that he supports the new hacker underground, in a private press conference today at the New York Times office. The eccentric media artist, best known for his writing and his work with the band Mondo Vanilli, is the only public figure thus far to advocate the culture of resistance that has sprung up in response to rules and legislation controling activities on the Internet. On tour with MV's highly successful F***ing Robot Show (although he doesn't perform in the show itself), R. U. looked relaxed and alert, appearing in the Times conference room in white slacks and a white t-shirt, a marked contrast to his perennial black. Mondo Connie, MV's attractive and eccentric publicist, was on his arm.

Sirius said that the HADL and the entire New Civility Movement was, in his opinion, a minority pretending to be a majority. "These are opposing ways of organizing. The puritans can really get out the vote. They can get people writing letters to their congressmen, they can flood the net with fanatics. But what about the people who attend our shows and buy our albums, or those of Offspring or Don Knotts Overdrive? What about all those people that you and I both know are making their way to encrypted conferences on the net? What about the fans of all those TV shows that the puritans would like to ban? What about the millions of Americans who still smoke marijuana? What about gun-totin', meat eatin' rednecks? The HADL aims to make us all allies."

Recent articles in Variety, New Republic, and American Spectator have mentioned R. U. as the leader of the new underground. Sirius calls this "too absurd for words." The movement is leaderless, he argued, "and, frankly, I don't get onto the cryptonet very often."

He does want to "encourage active subversion" though, and suggested that New York Times readers "aren't wimps. They will find their way to cryptonet, and they will disobey the new fascists at every turn. I fully support electronic uncivil disobedience. I always thought people should have shot back during the so-called war on drugs. This is a much nicer way of waging battle. I support media piracy also. Extemism in the defense of liberty is a simple device." With that, Sirius grinned and Ms. Connie whisked him out the door.
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Date:  7 July, 1996
From:  rusirius
To: stjude
Subject: guess what

As the result of the piece in the N. Y. Times, I'm now THE spokesperson for
the underground and I'm appearing on tommorrow night's Nightline segment
with Ted Koppel.  It makes no sense whatsoever that they invited me, which
is finally why I decided to accept.  I guess the real underground does value
its anonymity huh?  Can it be that after all this time, I'm the only really
well-known person stupid enough to go public in my support?  Duhhh...  

My plan is to take a quarter hit of acid and then get roaring drunk.  I'm
gonna suck... huh huh huh
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

NIGHTLINEtm
On-Line Text Transcript NOTE:
This transcript is the copyrighted property of American Broadcasting Companies. All rights reserved.

{NIGHTLINE THEME}

ANNOUNCER:
ABC News' Nightline, for Friday, July 8, 1997. Your host, Ted Koppel.

{VIDEO:
TED KOPPEL in studio}

TED KOPPEL:
Good evening. Last year, President Clinton signed into law the Electronic Communications Public Safety Bill, legislation designed to prevent computer users from hiding their messages behind codes the government cannot break.

{Video: clip of President Clinton seated at his desk, signing bill. HADL member Winny Balsam and Senator Jesse Helms are visible in the crowd around him.}

PRESIDENT CLINTON:
As I sign this legislation, I again remind the American people that with freedom comes responsibility. The Electronic Communications Public Safety Act is designed to safeguard our freedom by preventing the irresponsible misuse of our most precious and basic rights.

{VIDEO:
TED KOPPEL in studio}

TED KOPPEL:
While organizations like the Human Anti-Degradation League applauded the increasing regulation of computer communications, many computer users, video producers and others objected, argueing that their freedom of speech was being eroded by these laws. Some of these opponents, have joined an online organization called the Virtual Underground. This year, the conflict has intensified and the popularity of tbis underground threatens to render the legal restraints all but irrelevant. 1997 will be remembered as the year the Internet became a political battlefield.

Nightline correspondent Ken Kashiwahara has this report.

{Video: KEN KASHIWAHARA in San Francisco. TransAmerica Pyramid is in background}

KEN KASHIWAHARA:
One year and two months ago, the Information Superhighway imposed a speed limit on its nearly 180 million users. As a result of the Human Anti-Degradation League's "March on the Internet," Internet management imposed "Content Standards for Electronic Communications", a series of guidelines that banned sexually explicit materials, advocacy or descriptions of extreme violence, and all derogatory and insulting words from electronic mail, electronic messaging and from the multimedia World Wide Web. The formerly unrestrained and sometimes juvenile Internet was suddenly as inoffensive as a glass of milk. The following month, the US Congress and President Clinton made the Content Standards law. Resistance to these standards has resulted in an explosion in the use of data encryption.

{Video: animation of text going into a meat grinder and coming out as 1's and 0's}

KEN KASHIWAHARA(vo):
A piece of data, say an e-mail message, can be broken down and coded so that only the sender and the intended receiver can read the message by using a special digital key. This is known as encryption. Current data encryption schemes are so powerful that it would take the largest computers over a million years to break just one of the endless codes that are being made available on sthe CryptoNet, a subculture of Internet users who are utilizing the encryption technology to evade the new rules regarding inappropriate content.

{Video: a person using ATM}

KEN KASHIWAHARA(vo):
Encryption technology has long been used by legitimate institutions. For instance, it secures personal medical and banking records from unauthorized tampering. Members of The Underground claim that their private and public communications deserve similar protection.

{Video: the World Trade Center bombing}

KEN KASHIWAHARA(vo):
But unlimited access to data encryption also means that terrorists, pedophiles and other criminals, armed with these unbreakable codes, can plan their illegal activities without the possibility of surveillance. And that has many law enforcement officers worried.

{Video: KEN KASHIWAHARA in San Francisco}

KEN KASHIWAHARA:
The passage of this week's anti-encryption bill was designed to ensure that police will have the ability to obtain evidence in a world where more and more ideas are stored digitally.

Members of the so-called Underground claim that without encryption, nobody has privacy. Representatives of the aboveground advocacy organization, the Digital Freedom Foundation, also plan to challenge the new law in the courts.

{Video: the Fruitopia-inspired "When Fun is Outlawed" commercial}

KEN KASHIWAHARA(vo):

Last night, millions of Seinfeld viewers watched what might have been the opening salvo in an information war, when Underground members pirated 30 seconds of time to broadcast its own message

{Video: KEN KASHIWAHARA in San Francisco}

KEN KASHIWAHARA:
It appears that the old argument of a person's right to privacy versus the public's right to safety has found a new forum in the newest electronic medium. And the battle is only just beginning.

{VIDEO:
Nightline(TM) "field of stars" graphic, with video inserts of Winny Balsam and R. U. Sirius}

TED KOPPEL(vo):
When we return, HADL Spokesperson Winny Balsam, and R. U. Sirius, cyberpunk star and member of The Underground.

{Commercial Break}

TED KOPPEL:
Welcome back. In our New York studios, we have with us Dr. Winny Balsam, speaker for the Human Anti-Degradation League, and one of the chief supporters of censorship on the Internet.

WINNY BALSAM:
Hello.

TED KOPPEL:
And coming to us from our San Francisco affiliate, Mondo Vanilli's R. U. Sirius, musician, author, and founding member of The Underground.

R. U. SIRIUS :
Uhhhh, *actually* Ted....

TED KOPPEL:
Dr. Balsam?

WINNY BALSAM:
Thank you, Ted. First off, I reject the use of the word censorship. Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said quite clearly, nearly 100 years ago, that freedom of speech does not give a person the right to shout 'Fire!' in a crowded theater."

R. U. SIRIUS :
FIRE!!! Oh, boy, fire!!! -- by the way, I'm not a founding memQ

TED KOPPEL:
Now --

R. U. SIRIUS :
Fire one, Mr. Chekhov!!! From your member. But I'm *not* a memQ

TED KOPPEL:
-- I'm gonna have to ask you not to interrupt..

WINNY BALSAM:
Human beings do n't exist in a vacuum. We are social beings. Eerything we say has an effect on other people, for good or evil. HADL is merely trying to minimize the damage being wrought by the irresponsible use of words. But our actions, which are supported by a majority of the American people, are being undermined by a small group of computer hackers.

TED KOPPEL:
R. U. Sirius, comment?

R. U. SIRIUS :
We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the fields and in the streets, we will fight them in the hills; we will never surrender!! Or maybe we will. You see, I don't know why you invi...

WINNY BALSAM:
WHAT???

TED KOPPEL:
Well, that's all well and good, but what's your reaction to what Dr. Balsam said?

R. U. SIRIUS :
First off, Ted, I reject Dr. Balsam's use of the term computer hacker. I, for one, am a "multidisciplinary computer artist," Dr Balsam, and I'd appreciate it if you'd remember that.

WINNY BALSAM:
I apologize.

R. U. SIRIUS :
Good girl. Next, how do you know that a majority of Americans support your views? Back in...

WINNY BALSAM:
...Because of the over...

R. U. SIRIUS :
...the 1980's...

WINNY BALSAM:
...whelming support...

R. U. SIRIUS :
...there was a group...

WINNY BALSAM:
...our legislation has received...

R. U. SIRIUS :
...called the Moral Majority...

TED KOPPEL:
One, one at a time, please.

WINNY BALSAM:
...in Congress. People have...

R. U. SIRIUS :
...which turned out to be neither.

TED KOPPEL:
R. U. SIRIUS, please continue.

R. U. SIRIUS :
As I was saying, before Dr. Balsam ignored my right to speak -- in the 1980s, there was a group called the Moral Majority that turned out to be neither. So how can you say that a majority supports your actions? andletmejustsayalsothati'm*NOT*amemberofany...

TED KOPPEL:
Well, Mr. Sirius. Our polls indeed show seventy percent supporting the HADL. Sit back as we take a break. We'll be back, right after this.

{Commercial break}

TED KOPPEL:
We're talking to Dr. Winny Balsam and R. U. SIRIUS about the sudden appearance of the Internet Underground, which leads me to ask R. U. SIRIUS:
how many people are in the Underground?

R. U. SIRIUS:
Oh jeez... Seor Koppel, roughly how many people watch Nightline each night? Roughly.

TED KOPPEL:
Well, I...

R. U. SIRIUS :
Fifteen million? Twenty million? And of those, how many are intelligent and informed enough to actually GET what you're talk about? Half? Maybe? On the Net, I can write something and have it read by one hundred and eighty million people!! Ted, you would have to French kiss a (bleep)ing dog to get ninety million viewers. Maybe half of those users have taken to using the cryptonet. You can consider them all members. it's not like the HADL. There aren't badges or membership cards. Nobody attends meetings. At least *I* sure as hell don't. The Underground is simply a group of people who share a common goal of personal freedom. The Underground is indestructable unless you stamp out the *idea* of freedom.

WINNY BALSAM:
HADL is trying to PRESERVE the idea of freedom!

R. U. SIRIUS :
Yeah, in a specimen jar!

The scariest thing about the Underground, from Dr. Balsam's point of view, is that my ability to reach about 90 million people is UNREGULATED! Nothing but the customs and traditions that have grown around the net can stop me from sending my message to every one of those users. The Internet has become a mass medium, Monsieur Koppel. We don't need the broadcast media to get our message across, and we don't need Dr. Balsam and her sexually repressed followers.

WINNY BALSAM:
Why do you call members of HADL repressed?

R. U. SIRIUS :
...because we...

WINNY BALSAM:
Why is it repressive to want to ensure you the freedom and equality you have today?

R. U. SIRIUS :
Well, if you'll shut up...

WINNY BALSAM:
Why do you call us repressed?

R. U. SIRIUS :
Because they won't let us call you "(bleep)suckers" on television?? I don't know.

WINNY BALSAM:
You see!?!?!?! You...

TED KOPPEL:
Now, I'm...

WINNY BALSAM:
...completely ignore my rights...

TED KOPPEL:
...gonna have to ask you both...

WINNY BALSAM:
...and revert to stereotypical...

TED KOPPEL:
to watch your language, please.

WINNY BALSAM:
It's language like that, language that reduces a person to a stereotype, that HADL has tried so hard to eliminate from daily American discourse.

R. U. SIRIUS :
Along with the thoughts that go with them.

WINNY BALSAM:
Yes, along with the thoughts.

R. U. SIRIUS :
So you're the Thought Police, comrade?

WINNY BALSAM:
Look, you'll have to accept the fact that the lawless Wild West days of the Internet are OVER. The Marshal has come to town.

R. U. SIRIUS :
The only Marshall we need is McLuhan.

TED KOPPEL:
You're referring to Marshall McLuhan, the Canadian write...

{Video: At this point, the satellite feed was interrupted.}

Excerpts from

How to Mutate and Take Over the World
by R. U. Sirius, St. Jude and the Internet 21
Ballantine Books

Contributors to this segment are
Wagner James Au
Craig Brozefsky
Patrick DiJusto
St. Jude
R. U. Sirius
Alan Sondheim



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