Spy's Corner

by Terry Southern

I was grooved to the max one recent PM to learn that my old friend and former Texas lawman, Cody McAllister of the legendary 'Aces and Eights' cattle ranch out Pecos way, is again hitting the vigilante trail.

"I am out collecting hardcore evidence," he said, "-- photographic, audio, anecdotal -- to confirm the unspeakable sleaze and putrescence of the crypto Major Hoople curmudgeon/buffoon, the so-called 'RASH LAMEBRAIN'."

"I am bringing this moron down," he went on, "and I think all are agreed that the harder and faster his fall, the better it will be for everyone in this grand land."

I had not heard Cody wax patriotic in many a moon, and I don't mind telling you it brought a tingle to my old cajones, and no mistake. But the big ex-ranger had not yet finished his indictment:

"This grotesque lard-ass," he continued, "has progressed from comparing the President's daughter to a dog, to ridiculing the victims of AIDS."

He paused and shook his head, as if his next words were the most difficult: "Out at the testing-center at Langely they say that the sheer aura of his sleaze and putrefaction put the needle of an E-meter right through the side of the goddam box!"

The Spy's Corner is happy to support Cody McAllister in his quest. All evidence received will be forwarded to him pronto.

Addendum: One of the neatest bits of poetic justice to surface in these waters of late was right after the Oklahoma City disaster, when this same Rash Lamebrain started barking his mad-dog mantra of "Bomb the Arabs! Bomb the Arabs!!" -- only to learn the next day, the poor son of a bitch, that the initial suspects were, in fact, a startling double mirror-image of himself -- two mindless rednecks. Well, hey, I gotta tell you, the irony was fucking absolute.