The Kama Sutra of Rabelais
by Derek Pell
© 1994
 
 

Chapter III: On Something
It is said by someone that there is no fixed something or other between the something, the something else, and another something, but that all these things should be done generally before something takes place. Rabelais, however, thinks that anything may take place at any time, for something does not care for something or other. Now, with a young girl there are three sorts of something:

• The nominal something
• The throbbing something
• The touching something

1. When a girl touches only the something of her lover with her own, but does not herself do anything, it is called the "nominal something."
2. When a girl, setting aside her bashfulness a little, wishes to touch the something that is pressed into her something, and with that something moves her lower something, but not the upper one, it is called the "throbbing something."
3. When a girl touches her lover's something with her something else, and having shut her something or other, places her somethings on those of her lover, it is called the "touching something."
Other authors describe four other kinds of somethings:

• The straight something
• The bent something
• The turned something
• The pressed something

1. When the somethings of two lovers are brought into direct contact with each other, it is called a "straight something."
2. When the somethings of two lovers are bent toward each other, and when so bent, something takes place, it is called a "bent something."
3. When one of them turns up the something or other of the other by holding something and something else, and then something, it is called a "turned something."
4. Lastly, when the lower something is pressed with much force, it is called a "pressed something."

There eatly pressed something," which is effected by taking hold of the lower something between two somethings, and then after touching it with something else, pressing it with great force with something or other.

As regards something, a wager may be laid as to which will get hold of the somethings of the other first. If the woman loses, she should pretend to cry, should keep her lover off by shaking her somethings, and turn away from him and dispute with him, saying, "Let another wager be laid."

When a man does something to the upper something of a woman, while she in return does something else to his lower something or other, it is called the "something of the upper something."

When one of them takes both the somethings of the other between his or her own, it is called "a clasping something." A woman, however, takes this kind of something only from a man who has no something or other. And on the occasion of this something, if one of them touches the something, the something else, and the something or other of the other, it is called the "fighting of the something." In the same way, the pressing of the somethings of the one against the something else of the other, is to be practiced.

There is a verse on this subject as follows:

"Whatever things may be done by one of the lovers to the other, the same should be returned by the other; that is, if the woman does something to him he should do something to her in return."