50 Ways To Market Your Lover
by Mark Amerika
© 1994
 
 
1. Word of mouth
2. Stream of consciousness
3. Advertising
4. desecrating previous generations of experience
5. making monumental claims about your current world perspective
6. segueway into the next number without really trying
7. acting as if you never cared about any of this
8. slave auction
9. t.v. talk show hype
10. public radio / college circuit / underground network?
11. charting official and unofficial policy decision makers' daily agendas
12. offer sales incentives guaranteeing major feedback from "dupe"
13. create Master then reprogram entire personage through effects processing
14. deprive the glutinous mass of sexual fulfillment then rail them with totalitarian energy cleverly disguised in the rhetoric of a multi-national televison broadcast coming into your home via superstate-implanted speakers that blast the words YOU MUST OBEY
15. retail experience at a discount rate via simulation or a downgraded version of the empirical method
16. siphon off the energy apparently there although sometimes not so sure what it is I'm trying to say but am saying it anyways
17. create a newsletter that instructs your workforce on how to buy/prosper/meet expectations & get the most out of life without giving them enough real cash dollars to retire at an early age
18. if you retire at a young age and are therefore unproductive (not producing goods and services all in the name of God or GNP, same thing), then obviously you're a flailing pervert who's only interested in wild crazy lustful enjoyable sexual activity and MUST BE ARRESTED so that you can no longer have any effect whatsoever on the cosmic consciousness' desire to experience the ultimate in high-tech body ejaculation
19. Marta was not alone. She had me. We were very much in love and knew what we wanted out of life. To be together. They separated us in 1998. I was in confinement at some closed down military base somewhere in the Midwest (nobody knew exactly where). I had been busted for smoking a joint in my own home. I used to think that I was just overly paranoid and that things were probably better than my head would otherwise think. Now all I have time to do is think. I think as I cook the grub for all the other love-starved addicts of pleasure who were jerry-rigged into a life of isolation.
20. marketing my lover is going into small business which the feds frown upon because that means there's more activity they have to control and eventually buy by-way-of their corporate cronies whose estates are really very beautiful and definitely worth slaving around in.
21. selling myself as my own lover is something I've often thought of doing although finding highly reputable would- be early investors of my product line isn't as easy as I thought it'd be it seems as though I'm too eccentric
22. But time has a way of catching up with history-in-the- making and maybe my innate knowledge of the business ledger will afford me the opportunity to create the greatest subsidiary the oligarchy has ever had time to consider its friend
23. building a list of possible sources of interest, people who will jump on your lover's bandwagon, will take a lot of time and effort
24. try cable t.v.
25. your local library
26. on the pedestrian mall, take off your clothes, rupture
27. "be" SOMEBODY SPECIAL (on t.v.)
28. videocassettes (self-help promo, simulated blowjob, ex-wife tells all)
29. National Public Radio special feature on your ability to
30. friends talking, lots of friends, talking, make friends
31. package: book, CD, audiocassette (talking-book), record, disk, movie, music video, party, world tour, simulcast (teleconference a "happening", YOU)
32. seem like you're not interested in any of this and that it's a waste of time and counterproductive and then when somebody else you know does it very successfully, cut them down for selling out (do this on t.v., preferably cable)
33. go religious, change your name, amplify all feedback
34. create Master then reprogram mission directives through digital effects-processor
35. accept the mortal morsels stuck in between your teeth and only when the time is right FLOSS (timing is EVERYTHING: are you too early? are you too late? are you just right? who decides?)
36. consider participating in benefit performances that will substantiate your desire and/or willingness to reach out and touch the people in a real genteel way (be human)
37. assume the body (individual) is naturally reckless and nervous when forcibly controlled in The Land of Political Bodies and let the muscles twitch for a brand new day (Siouxie & The Banshees)
38. the reasonable man adapts to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man (that's George Bernard Shaw, thanks George, what about reasonable women, the ones who know that the shit has hit the fan, that the balance of terms isn't a balance but rather a lopsided landslide of rigged hegemony persisting in our collective memory?)
39. create extravagant experiments (for example, transgress your individual body's private pleasure-mode by assuming the disposition of the political body as if it were the personal prose you found yourself becoming, then, poeticize the moment of your "becoming" by going nationwide on cable t.v.)
40. the lover is bliss reincarnated as an industrial waste product coming to live via satellite, your heart is burning, gas?
41. chocolate cream-filled truffle fill your mouth as she enters more data into the terminally-ill base of operations
42. depress the mechanism and the social unrest begins
43. coverage of the revolution is spontaneously transmitted to our affiliates in Tokyo, Bonn, Berlin, Kyoto, Frankfurt, Kobe, Munich, Hiroshima
44. Marta makes me mad. Me masticate Marta. Marta mimics me, masticates, mimics me more. My Marta markets me. Masticates my me mightily. Makes me Marta. Marks me Marta. Mine.
45. Can I have your attention please?
46. Tonight's performance has been preempted. The cursory device has lost its syntagm and all personnel are needed to cover (up the sickness).
47. Thank you
48. Thank you
49. Thank you
50. Thank you