from 98.6
by Ronald Sukenick
 
 

The blond comes in two parts here comes the second part she falls in love with him. It happens during a party of the first part the two of them drinking wine in the sun the wine is the color of her hair her hair is the color of the light this precious light he thinks insipidly but that's okay gloating over the fact that he's not dead. That's what he does when he's in a good mood he gloats over not being dead especially not dead by suffocation under a pile of shit in the camp latrine say or beaten to death by guards after being forced to copulate with his daughter or watch his wife being gangraped or being thrown out of a helicopter after torture interrogation or having his skin toasted off in a napalm attack or any one of a number of grotesqueries he carries in his memory of the vast culture failures of recent generations. Meanwhile her cheeks are getting fatter something he's noticed before when women get happier their cheeks get fatter he embraces her and as they start to make love an extraordinary thing happens she starts looking younger seventen fifteen fourteen maybe even back to twelve and suddenly it turns into a party of the second part. But he doesn't like the party of the second part because it makes him skid and when he skids he gets very angry it happens in a second some wheel hits some hidden glaze of ice and he's a very nasty man fighting for control Turn over he says his reflex is to colonialize her as fast as possible when you do it quick like that it hurts them at first but they always end up liking it the blond rolls over trying to figure out what the hell is going on. The blond doesn't understand why he's sore but she sort of likes it. She's never seen him get mean before she likes men when they're nice but she also likes men when they're mean. Not too mean a little mean it gives things an edge she can be mean too in her way her way of being mean is to put her thing on you. Gotcha. You think you're at a party of the second part but you're at a party of the first part and not only that I'm not even there. You think you have me but you don't have anything. Because I'm not anything so fuck you. And next thing you know she's in someone else's bed and you want her back in yours. That's the way the blond gets mean she gets on a kind of passive mean but she doesn't get it on with him. The reason she doesn't get it on with him is because at the moment she should be mean to him she feels a great surge in a bottomless well of jelly that's how the blond knows she's fallen in love with him because that's what love feels like a bottomless well of jelly she loves feeling like a well of jelly Ouch she says. He ignores her he just keeps boring in ouch ouch ouch thinks the blond she bites her lower lip but meanwhile she makes the big jump from twelve to nine to eight to seven to six Ouch.

Does it hurt he says.

I don't care do whatever you want to me she wants to be destroyed. She wants to be torn apart and completely helpless and at the mercy of. That's the way she thinks of it at the mercy of. She wants to go all the way back to animals and past animals to things. She wants to go back to her thing nature and be part of the rest of the world for once in her thingness a thing among things. She wants to die what a relief it's a special kind of death it feels like shitting in reverse no more fighting off all the deadness in the world letting it in letting it in oh god she didn't know she could get this excited like completely giving in he's in he's all the way in he's so far in all the way up into her guts she feels completely owned she wants to eat his shit. He's furious but it's a cold fury. He hates her guts he wants to turn her into an animal into a thing. When she starts moving up and around he wants to stop her he wants her inanimate. He wants to turn himself into a thing a club a gun it's a terrific tight fit sort of opening out at the end he pulls her up thrusts himself further into her belly he wants to destroy her secret her innerness he wants to turn her inside out depersonalize her it's the claims of her personality he can't bear that make him furious. It won't work. Not unless he wants to kill her. She's moving up and around and down he tries to stop her he doesn't want to come he wants to be in control he's going to come he can't stop it he doesn't stop it he hears her cry he comes like a tommy gun. Next thing you know they're embracing one another and smiling. For some reason she chooses that moment to tell him a story about Tommy Angel her biker boyfriend. Once a guy Tommy's riding with gets into an accident. He winds up in a ditch screaming with pain. Tommy can't stand it. So he picks up a rock and kills him. That's the story.