Piss Manifesto
by Mandie B.
 
 

HEY! STAND AND DELIVER.... GIRLS - YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED.... IT'S THE MOST PRACTICAL THING TO DO. IT MAKES SENSE. GET YOURSELF ON YOUR FEET AND STAND PROUD AND PISS WITH PRIDE.

WHY SHOULD US GIRLS GET GERMS OFF THE TOILET SEAT? NO WONDER WE GET MORE SPOTS ON OUR ARSE AS WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO STICK OUR BARE FLESH DOWN THAT GERM-STINK-HOLE. ARRR!

In contemporary western society it is customary that the woman sit or crouch while the erect position is reserved for males. For the woman to urinate she is required to crouch, uncover herself. And therefore hide. Making the procedure of pissing shameful and inconvenient.

"...Her organ is secret, invisible and not to be grasped in the hand. In a sense she has no sex organ. For a boy urinating is much more convenient. The penis can be manipulated, the stream can be directed at will and to a considerable distance."

GIRLS - THE FOLLOWING IS INSTRUCTIONS FOR PISSING STANDING UP:

1 BEFORE STARTING THE PISS

a) Position the feet either side of the toilet.

b) Make sure vagina is directly over the centre of the pan.

2 WARNINGS

a) You may have to pivot that pelvis according to direction and speed of flow. (This will prevent piss from going down the leg).

3 DISADVANTAGES OF TYPES OF CLOTHING WORN

a) Dress and skirts - no problem as long a s the length isn't too long and hippy-like

b) Leggings - good for absorbing drips

c) Jeans - as long as the waist isn't too tight (none of that seventies shit).

FACTS

According to a survey carried out by Cornell University in the USA, men spend an average of 45 seconds using a public toilet. While women take an average of 80 seconds. How the fuck this information was found I just don't know!!

You only need to sit down if you are pregnant, in need of a poo, have blood to mop up or you're bloody tired. So the rest of you can stand - and it's so much quicker.

SO

Go with the directional flow girl. Pin those lips right back whip them knickers down don't worry bout any dribbles or slime trails down your legs. Pelvis thrust out push strong and fast don't worry if you spray at first you'll soon get the hang of it. Have a quick grope while you're there and you'll be sorted.

(For a copy of Urine Trouble, the rude girls pissing standing up zine send three International Reply Coupons to, Mandie B. BM Jed, London, WC1N 3XX, UK)